


Back to the Seafront

by arkhamknights



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Also a college fic, Also slight crime, Beach city fic, Emotional Abuse, Eventual Smut, Hyperventilation, M/M, Panic Attacks, and teaches mandy, drugs mentioned and used, ian is a health freak, mickey is addicted to surfing and stuff, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-12 10:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13545873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkhamknights/pseuds/arkhamknights
Summary: the sea was clear and glittery, and not a picture perfect blue it was in most places. it shone green and turquoise and a million different pallets of colours. the sand was white, and even though it was nearing a bright evening, the sun setting in pinks and yellows over the sea, the beach was full of people.west coast was it,despite the fact they’d just killed a man.





	1. chapter one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track one : black out days - phantogram
> 
> ☾ welcome to west coast ☽

the world was spinning. mickey couldn't feel his hands properly, his mind kept flashing back to the previous day. the visions of a man. he swallowed and forced himself to look out the window. 

and yeah, they'd been planning to leave anyway, but the press of the event had his hands shaking and his leg jumping up and down. mandy seemed unphased by it all, completely, but mickey knew better. he knew his sister, he knew she was doing it for his benefit. he appreciated it. 

as the cab driver drove, chatting to an excited mandy about the best things to do to settle into west bay, mickey watched their surroundings. it all felt surreal, finally being out of hellish chicago, even if terry had been and would be in prison for months, and their brothers all moved out long ago. he still didn't feel safe. 

then they passed the beach. they were just coming into central west coast, which is where mandy had found a cheap and slightly scummy apartment that would be enough for the two of them. they broke out of the dip in the hills, driving out across flat roads, and beside it was a seafront that was so vast and so beautiful that mickeys face lifted just at the sight of it.

"oh my god, it's beautiful!" he vaguely heard mandy exclaim. she was right, it was beautiful. the sea was clear and glittery, and not a picture perfect blue it was in most places. it shon green and turquoise and a million different pallets of colours. the sand was white, and even though it was nearing a bright evening, the sun setting in pinks and yellows over the sea, the beach was full of people. 

west coast was it.

\- 

the apartment they were paying for actually wasn't too bad. it was two bedroom, with a tiny bathroom, a kitchen the same size as the bathroom, and a small lounge. the kitchen also had a balcony, though it was half a meter wide and probably about two meters long. it overlooked onto the beach, since their apartment building was high on the other side of the bay to where the cab drove in. 

mickey got the bigger room, which had a window that also overlooked to the coastline, and was a strange rectangle shape. mandys room was only slightly smaller, and more of a square shape. but they were opposite sides of the apartment, so neither would hear the others late night hookups through the concrete walls. 

"do you want to go down to the beach?" mandy asked, leaning against the door frame of Mickeys  room. he jumped slightly, not knowing she was there since he was staring down at said beach, watching people laugh and splash through the water. his skin crawled to surf again. 

"sure. you unpacked?" he asked, stretching his limbs out. mandy snorted and waved the shorts and shirt she was holding, presumably to get changed into, since their flight attire would be way too hot for a drowsy evening in west coast. 

"what, my backpack of clothes and a few textbooks? yeah, i have." that was one problem. mickey had told her they'd return not too long after they moved in to retrieve their old belongings, but neither were sure if that was a possibility after the accident. and the apartment had come mostly unfurnished. it had a fraying sofa that mickey made a note to get rid of as soon as they found a nicer one, a couple mattresses and a wardrobe in mandys room. 

"fuck off. go get changed, i'll be out in a minute." he rolled his eyes at her, and rubbed the bottom of his nose with a knuckle. she grinned and flipped him off, and a tiny bit of the anxiety that had its claws around his heart settled a little bit. because mandy was going to be happy, and safe from terry, and they could start a new life. 

he had to admit, it felt pretty good. 

ignoring any other thoughts except positive ones, mickey changed into navy blue shorts and a thin, light grey shirt. mandy was in black shorts and a dark purple vest top, her hair tied high on her head. her face split into a smile, filled with excitement, and everything was okay again. 

mickey followed her down the residents path to the beach, which was actually kind of thrilling and scary. it had a railing, but most of the railing had been kicked down onto the floor, and the path was steep and curvy down the cliff-face (mickey was yet to decide if it was a steep hill or a cliff). 

then they got to the beach, and the slight breeze of the crashing waves, the chatter of people, cracks of fire and the smell of salt all added together made mickeys blood rush and a smile appear on his face before he could even fight it. 

mandy noticed, and grinned at her brothers happiness. she was well aware of his slightly off mood the whole trip, and of fucking course she didn't blame him. she wasn't even sure how they were there, smiling, like nothing happened. neither of them were. but what happened in chicago almost felt like a dream, like it wasn't real. 

they walked along the sand for a while. mandy has emptied her bag out and taken it with her, so they put their shoes in there after a while, and she took out a couple of beers, giving one to her brother. they talked quietly as they strolled past groups of people: teenagers, families, couples. 

"are you going to start surfing again?" mandy asked casually, sipping at her beer. mickey glances at her and sighed, chewing his lip a little. 

he shrugged, "i'd love to, but we don't even have jobs to pay the rent right now, let alone enough for me to get a board. i'll just swim until i can save up enough to buy one." neither of them mentioned the one in chicago, the one that he'd use when their mom took both mickey and mandy, and their brothers, on a road trip to the beach. it was nothing like west coast, but it still was how mickey found his cooling in the waves. 

"whatever, asshole. i was asking because i kind of want to take it u-" mandy shrieked as mickey felt a sharp pain in the side of his head, and the corner of his mouth, smacking his face to the side. he groaned, clenching his eyes shut and touching his lip gently. "shit, mick, are you okay?!" 

"im fucking fine, mandy, don't worry." he scowled slightly, not meaning to, and then spat pinky-red onto the sand. next to it, was a purple frisbee. 

"oh my god, im so sorry! i told carl not to throw it too hard but he never really listens to me or anyone that could prevent destruction." someone rambled, and mickey was in his right mind to smack them. but it wasn't them who threw it, anyway. 

a tall, muscular redhead in a blue and grey baseball shirt, navy snapback and light blue shorts stared back at mickey when he finally looked up, giving up on putting pressure against the small cut on the corner of his mouth. the redhead winced, and mickey noticed a few more people coming over. “it’s fine, don’t worry about it, red.” he mumbled, glancing at mandy, who was smiling now, completely distracted by the redhead. of fucking course. 

“shit, carl, you really hit ‘im.” a guy that looked about mickeys age said from behind the redhead, laughing slightly and ruffling who mickey guessed was carls hair. he was a bit shorter than the redhead, with curlier hair that was more of a dirty blonde. “sorry, man. he gets a little too excited.” 

mickey glared, but nodded at the kid who was unsmiling, probably proud of what he did but to polite to admit it. well, polite was a strong word. maybe too scared of punishment. “it’s fine.” he repeated for the third time. the redhead was still watching him, though. 

“i don’t think ive seen you guys around.” he stated randomly, much to mandys liking. now it wasn’t just about her brothers injured face. “are you new here?” he directed the question at mickey, but mandy was eager to answer and he very much was not. 

“moved here today.” she confirmed, smiling sickeningly sweet again, her eyes flicking between the redhead and the guy behind him, like she couldn’t choose. mickey resisted the urge to gag. 

“oh, cool. welcome to west coast, then! definitely lucked out getting hit in the face on day one, but id say it happens monthly to everyone.” he laughed, biting his lip at the end of the sentence. “im ian.”

“lip, older brother.” the other said, stepping forward to stand beside ian, and returned mandys flirtatious smile. mickey wanted to strange him then, but didn’t. carl scoffed, turning away and wondering back to where a few other people were. lip watched him, “and that was carl.”

“mandy. and my brother, mickey.” mandy offered for him, and mickey thanked her with a tiny nod of the head. “it’s really beautiful here. i didn’t even know it existed a few months ago.” 

ian raised his eyes brows at that, smiling again, a wide grin with a flash of white teeth. “seriously? but you decided to move?” mandy shrugged, her bag falling down her shoulder slightly. mickey had almost forgot about his drink, but noticed he hadn’t split any, despite being whacked in the face, and sipped at it. 

“people move without knowing the area at all, dumbass.” lip laughed, shouldering his brother a bit. mickey wondered how they were related at all. he wondered if they were all adopted or something, since not even carl had the same eye or hair colour to either of them. 

“yeah, dumbass.” mandy teased easily, somehow fitting in with them immediately. mickey felt like he was watching something play out without even having the option to join in, but he didn’t mind watching his sister mingle and make friends so quickly. he was expecting to to be a week or two before he spoke to anyone else, other than her. 

“do you guys wanna come sit over with us? we’ve got music going and some food. ill introduce you to everyone. plus, mickey, we can give you a beer as an apology on carls part.”

mandy was looking at mickey like she had to get his permission, and he rolled his eyes. “what the fuck ever.” he said, and fell into step behind lip, who he definitely liked more than ian. he wasn’t as annoying, and he seemed smart. 

not counting carl, there was five other people sat on blankets, the older ones drinking beers and the younger ones drinking pop. “everyone,” ian said as they approached, catching the laughing bunches attention, “this is mickey and mandy, they moved to west coast just today.” 

the group all chimed greetings, and ian smiled happily. “thats debbie, third youngest,” he said, pointing to a redhead girl, who was scribbling in paper and didn’t even look up. “liam, the youngest.” he pointed at the young kid sat in the brunette woman’s lap. the woman grinned, lifting the boys hand and waving at the siblings. he giggled. “fiona, she’s the oldest and a lifesaver. the reason we’re all still breathing.” ian notes, pointing to the pale woman with liam in her lap. 

“lastly, kev and veronica. our neighbours, bartender and nurse.” ian smiled at the couple, and the man cheered, his arms tightening affectionately around the dark skinned woman. 

ian sat down on the spare picnic blanket, and mickey noticed they were in a kind of semicircle, with coolers and sandcastles in the middle. mandy sat on one side of ian, lip on her right, so mickey sat down to the left of ian.

he answered questions when he was asked, like how old he was (19) and if he was going to school (no). mandy was also asked, but answered a little less bluntly and explained they had to find jobs to pay the rent before they could think about college or anything. fiona said there was an opening at the dainty cafe she worked at, and mandy smiled and said she’d check it out. lip even offered to keep an eye out for mickey. 

the gallaghers (mickey learnt they were all related, though it wasn’t hard to figure out when he’d seen them all, since they all had a few distinct similarities) and kev and v were all really friendly. they talked smoothly and easily with one another and the new additions to their group, until the little ones were getting sleepy, and kev started a fire once’s they’d moved the coolers, on a small tinfoil tray thing. 

“anyone wanna go swim for a bit? it’s been hours since we were in and ill be damned if we go back before i go in again.” ian commented when debbie was half asleep with her head on fionas leg, liam curled on the other one. carl was passed out on the hard sand behind kev and v, since he’d claimed it was too hot. 

“definitely. mickey will come too, he was itching to swim since we got here.” mickey stuck her tongue out at her brother when he scowled. ian simply laughed, which was new for mickey. the guys took off their shirts, mandy kicked away her shorts. lip also joined them, but the three adults opted to stay at the fire and talk quietly. 

whilst lip and mandy decided to stay waist deep, talking and splashing one another, ian began to swim out a bit more and mickey took it was a personal challenge, ducking his head down and kicking out. 

he felt hands curl around his waist and flinched hard, his head surfacing, but made a loud noise of complaint when he saw a wet redhead laughing at his shock. “you fucking asshole!” 

“oh come on, mick, what did you think i was? a shark? does every shark you meet grab your hips with their fins? they sound nicer than the guys i date.” ian clicked his tongue, and mickey froze slightly, but quickly recovered and simply glared. 

because fuck, ian was gay?


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mickey goes job hunting and agrees to things he doesn’t really want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track two : dissolve - absofacto

eventually, fiona said they should probably start for their house, kev and v agreeing, since it was a sunday night, and everyone had school or college the following day. 

they lived just opposite the length of the beach, but far to right, where the road up to the apartments that mickey and mandy lived in was. they were nice beach houses, with two floors and few bedrooms. kev and v actually lived one down, but apparently no one lived between them, so they were 'neighbours'. 

ian was extremely jealous when he'd found out where  the milkovich siblings lived. according to lip, he's wanted to see, let alone live, in the top apartments. the top apartments were considerably nicer, with fancier balconies and more room. apparently theirs was still really nice though. mickey  personally would take the homely, comfortable gallagher house to the cold, empty and covered in windows apartment he and mandy lived in, though. 

they trapsed up the path when the gallaghers had gone, both realising they were partly tipsy and exhausted, cursing the cliff-hill when they were only a third of the way up. mandy nearly collapsed when they reached the top and had to use the stairs in the apartment block, because the lift was broken. 

when they got in, mickey was sweaty and tired and stumbling, but he quickly made them pasta out of the small bag they'd got before arriving, ate it, and they both retreated to their bedrooms, setting alarms for a full day the next day. fiona offered an interview for mandy, which was amazing, and mickey was going to explore a little bit, see if he could find any work needed flyers, or anything else to help him get a job. 

he fell face first into his not-very-comfortable mattress, pulling the thin blanket over him. he didn't need much else, considering how hot it was, but he made a note to get duvets and other necessities as soon as possible. 

-

mickey woke up to the smell of something that made his stomach curl in hunger. it was around eight in the morning, he was tired but ultimately knew he had to get up anyway. 

rubbing at his eyes, he quickly changed into a fresh shirt, boxers and the same shorts from the previous night, before stumbling out of his room and into the kitchen. 

mandy was sat on one of the counter tops, a familiar but still new redhead leant against the opposite side, her knees nearly touching his chest from how narrow the room was. there was also a plate of pancakes next to her, and a little bit of batter in a bowl. as ian turned to start a new one, he noticed mickey in the doorway. "oh, hey mickey! mandy text me this morning complaining she had no food so i decided to stop by before my first class. want some? they're banana."

oh, hell yes he wanted some. he didn't really remember mandy and ian exchanging numbers, but he knew she was trying to get into lips pants, not ians, so he didn't worry too much.  "this place is so empty. you guys should've told fiona, she'll be raving now, helping you track down cheap or free furniture." 

mickey grunted as a response, and grabbed a plastic plate from the packet on the counter top, taking a pancake from the stack and biting into it. ian was a pretty good cook, admittedly. 

"after ive gone to the interview at patsys im going to go furniture hunting. we've got enough money to pay this months rent and get a few things, then we're broke." mandy explained, sighing dramatically. Ian  frowned, lifting the pan to flip his newest creation. perfect land. him and mandy cheered. 

"there's a good yard trading store thing in town. ask around a bit for directions." ian offered, smiling triumphantly and dumping another pancake onto the pile. he scraped the rest of the small amount of batter into the pan and made the shape of a dick. "also, check with kev at the alibi. upstairs used to be some old guys house, but he's in a home now." 

mandy nodded, mentally noting the information. mickey did too, just in case she didn't get around to doing it that day. "by the way, there's a party at like, nine tonight. not gallagher get together, it's a bunch of people from my college, all down by the surf shack. you guys should come. i don't really have many friends, so it'll make me look like less of a loner." ian laughed. 

mandy immediately agreed, whereas the dark haired teenager next to her raised his eyebrows as if it were a joke and declined as quick as he could. "no way. don't do parties."

mandy whined. "yes you do, you do now. you can mope and go sit on the rocks somewhere or ogle at the boards. i want to make friends and i need someone to haul my ass up the cliff when im drunk." 

ian sniggered slightly, and put a pancake on his own plate. mandy also dug in. "yeah, come on mick. it'll be fun! ill stick with you the whole time and we don't have to talk to anyone else. it's more for my street cred." 

mickey glared. "you're ginger and don't shut the fuck up: what street cred?" it was ians turn to scowl and flip him off, but didn't give up there. before he could go off anymore about bullshit making new friends and enjoying the area, mickey rolled his eyes and weighed out the pros and cons. there were definitely way more cons, but a night getting drunk with ian and mandy and talking to no one else didn't sound horrible. 

"fine."

-

west coast was disgusting hot during the day. mickey had taken a bottle of water and ended up draining it within thirty minutes of exploring. thirty minutes wasn't much, since he'd barely made it into the heart of the inner city. 

ian and mandy had both left not too long after mickey had agreed to go to the party. ian got the bus to his college, on the outskirts of west coast (which was actually huge, mickey might add), meanwhile mandy took a long work to the other side of the heart of the city to get to patsys, claiming she needed to explore anyway. mickey wondered how hot and sweaty she was. 

he was just walking through the high streets with slightly taller buildings than the surrounding area, each a clothes store or coffee chain store, when he noticed a few lampposts with flyers stuck to them. he read over a couple, grabbing the pen he'd stuffed in his pocket and noting down the numbers, names and emails. he did that until his hands were covered in messy writing and he was hot, bothered and tired. 

rounding the corner, mickey tucked the pen back into his pocket and deciding he'd done enough for the day, started walking down to the beach, the opposite side of the cove to where his and mandys apartment was. he crossed the main road and slipped his shoes off, walking in the soft sand, barefoot. 

there was a small building on the sand, well out of the reach of water. mickey pushed open the door. it was kind of small, a bar with stalls along the front of the outside, and a few tables inside and out. it was a very stereotypical beach café, with photos of people enjoying themselves in west coast and surfing on the glittering waves. there were other typical decorations, too, like stain glass fish pinned to the walls and netting with little wooden ornaments tied into it across the back wall. 

"oh shit, sorry. can i help you?" mickey jumped slightly, tearing his eyes away from the decorations to look at the figure. a guy, probably around his age, with sea glass eyes and wavy brown hair stepped out from the back room, his hands busy carrying a bag of ice. he nearly fell over, and mickey nearly laughed.

"just lookin' around." he nodded at the guy, instead. there was a notice board next to the large fridge freezer, with posters like the ones mickey had taken down on his hands plastered all over it. he noticed one, in particular. "you're hiring?" he asked curiously, leaning on one of the tables. surfer boy followed his gaze once he'd put the ice bag into the freezer, and then grinned. 

"yeah, you interested? it's technically for the shop but we're hiring here too." surfer boy smiled more, flattening his palms against the counter and leaning forward a bit. “im damien, by the way.”

“mickey.” mickey replied, nodding in return. he did another once over of the cafe, even if he already knew it a fair bit. it was a really pretty cafe, and it definitely suited him. “i am interested, yeah.”

damien gave him a thumbs up and gestured for him to come around the counter, claiming it would be pretty much empty for another hour. 

-

mickey text mandy after the interview with damiens boss, the owner of the cafe, wes. wes was pretty nice, early forties with a big family. they got on easy and wes claimed that other than mickey, he’d only had snotty, annoying teenagers apply for the job. that definitely gave the young man a boost of confidence. 

mandy : that’s amazing! i got the job at patsys too, mick!! fiona said she’s not supposed to, really, but persuaded sean to hire me :)) i start tomorrow 

not meaning to, mickey grinned down at his phone and typed out a quick congratulations to her. in celebration, he knew he definitely had to go to that dumb party with her and ian later. “what’s got you so happy?” 

damien sat down in the chair opposite mickey, who was occupying a table next to the slightly green glass that looked out onto the beach. the cafe had filled a fair bit in the past hour, and mickey himself had ordered a strange, green smoothie that was actually really good. he kind of loved the cafe already. 

“my sister got a job, already. second day here, man.” he couldn’t help but continue smiling, even if he desperately tried not to. the light haired teenager laughed with him, nodding along. there was someone else at the bar, and two girls called kat and jenny at the counter, so mickey assumed he was on his break. 

“that’s awesome. by the sounds of wes’ constant chatter to mari, you’ll have one pretty soon, too.” damien gave him the full flash of perfectly white teeth again. mickey liked the guy. he was layed back, bubbly, but not annoying like ian. though he obviously liked ian, too. “he won’t shut up about how cool you are. for a married, straight man, i think he’s got a crush.”

mickey snorted and rolled his eyes. “and im fuckin oprah.” pausing, he briefly looked down at his hands, and the greying letters across his knuckles. he flexed his fingers, stretching them out and watching the text coil. “am i gonna have to cover them?”

damien laughed again, and shook his head, no. “course not. no one here gives a fuck. one time, kat called a guy a dickhead and he laughed. everyone who comes here is totally fine with shit like that. well, id say everyone in west coast is.” 

mickey thought back to how he’d met the gallagher clan, and how he’d reacted. he was kind of glad he didn’t flip out, because he already felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb in the strange but stunningly beautiful city. 

“you met anyone other than me and wes here, yet?” damien asked, noticing the cogs turning in mickeys head and deciding not to ask why. just from the original meeting and tattoos alone, he knew not to be annoying or ask dumb or irrelevant questions. 

“uh, yeah. first day some kid hit me in the head with a frisbee, then his brothers invited me and my sister to sit with their weird ass family. going to some dumb college party here tonight with ‘em.” he tapped the glass his smoothie was in, less than one third left of it. 

“oh, nice, im going to that.” damien picked up on mickeys confused glance and rolled his eyes. “yeah, i go to college. i know i kinda look like an airhead, but i do night classes. tonight is my one night a week off. anyway, who is this weird ass family?”

mickey licked his lips, bringing his drink to them and swallowing the healthy and delicious drink quickly. “uh, the gallaghers? plus kev and v, cause they’re all apparently fused together or some shit.” damien laughed, nodding. 

“no, i know them. ian, specifically. we do history together and im one of his few friends.” damien nodded dramatically, completely unaware of the stomach flip mickeys insides did at the simple mention of the redhead. “it was probably carl who hit you, right?”

mickey nodded, not paying too much attention anymore


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> track three : west coast - the neighbourhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are starting to get gritty - mickey realises he can’t ignore it anymore

party night. mickey can't stop wondering if this was actually a good idea, but mandy doesn't seem to care. she forced him into black shorts and an actually clean shirt that smelt nice. how absurd. 

she also told him that ian was going to come over beforehand to make them feel like awkward locating him in a crowd of people they didn't know. mickey knew she accepted ians offer for him, because they all knew she'd be off talking to however caught her fancy. probably lip.

whatever. mickey proceeded to pull the dark gray shirt over him, ignoring the fraying at the shoulders, where he'd cut the sleeves off. they both grabbed their keys (mickey wasn't sure mandy would return that evening and didn't want to chance it) and mandy grabbed a six pack, when the door rang. 

mandy squealed and rushed to open it, and mickey nearly fainted. ian apparently cleaned up a little from his normal tall, sweaty beach teen with messy hair. it was pushed back, though it didn't look slick with product like mickeys sometimes did. plus, he was wearing a light green shirt that clung to him in an extremely complimenting way. navy blue shorts. converse, despite the sand. 

maybe mickey had a tiny crush, but to him it meant literally nothing. it happened more than expected, even with his usual 'no ties' deal with his hookups. he stuck to that rule, but it didn't help when iggy had hot and sweet friends when he was younger, or mandys boyfriends actually got along with him,before he realised that was all weird and got over it. ian already acted like mandys best friend, so mickey would get over it. it didn't worry him. 

"you look fucking hot," mandy said for him, although completely unaware of her brothers dumbstruck attitude. ian wasn't, apparently. he grinned, speaking with his eyes on mickey, mandy too distracted running her fingers over his collarbones and shoulders to notice. 

"yeah well, dress to impress and all of that." mandy laughed when mickey felt himself actually lose his breath that time around, a little disappointed when ians eyes left his own. he thought they were green, but they might have actually been blue or grey. confusing. 

"let's go!"

-

the party was definitely somewhat intimidating. not scary intimidating, because milkovichs weren't supposed to get scared. or intimidated in general, but they also weren't supposed to be gay. mickey wondered if he was trying to break the rules. 

whatever it was, the party was strange. college teens lurked around the beach cafe ("okay, yeah, apollos is a dumb name for a cafe. but wes wanted to name it "wes'" according to mari. luckily she has half the ownership, i prefer apollos. he is the god of sun, anyway.") and across yards of sand. there was a large gap between normal family beach visits and the party, and a much lesser number than normal. everyone seemed content though. 

"you want a drink?" he asked ian, nodding towards a table. ian licked his lips slightly, then worried the bottom one with his teeth. mickey tried not to cry. the redhead shook his head, making the teenager opposite him raise an eyebrow in questioning.

"you invited me to a party to drink and you're not drinking? are you gonna say you're vegan next or some shit?" he snorted, tugging ian over to the table, but only grabbing a bottle for himself. peer pressure is dangerous. 

"im vegetarian." ian commented, unhelpfully but delighted in his ability to press the others buttons. mickey glared at him. "but i can't drink. im... a huge lightweight. i'll probably have a little bit later, but not loads. fucks me up real bad."

not entirely believing his words, mickey rolled his eyes, and before he knew it, he was following ian further away from the cafe. it was closed, due to the party, other than the bar that damien and wes were working at. 

they sat well out of the way, on some rocks, just down from apollos. mandy has ditched them, as predicted, the second she saw a girl she'd apparently become friends with already. they hugged and grinned when mickey was carefully watching, so he left her to it when ian noticed his protectiveness and dragged him away. 

"so, milkovich." ian clicked his tongue, leaning back against the rocks. his already too-right-for-mickeys-liking shirt stretched even more across the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders. careful eyes watched him. "what actually brought you to west coast?" 

biting on his tongue, mickey shuffled in his spot a bit. he felt like he was swallowing a bullet, struggling to get past something so life threatening and absolutely terrifying. eventually, the bullet was in his stomach. "bad parenting."

ian snorted, so mickey guesses he passed the test of whatever the fuck that was. but still. he felt uneasy from then on, sick with self hatred to think he could even escape chicago. to think he would be able to put the incident past him. mandy probably could, she always better at dealing with emotions than him. 

"you okay?" ian asked curiously after a couple of minutes silence, and mickey quickly glared at him as a cover up, taking a swing of his drink. 

"fuck off." terry prohibited milkovich boys from emotions. well, milkovichs altogether, but mandy got away with it often. but especially the boys. mickey felt confused and cold and weirdly lonely being asked if he was okay. he missed chicago. 

"give me some." ian commented, staring hard at mickeys drink. the dark haired teenager span the bottle in his fingertips, enjoying the exclusive patch of cold against his boiling hot skin. 

"you sure that's a good idea?" he asked cautiously, catching the blue of ians eyes. definitely blue, even in the dimming sunlight of the west coast seafront. they just appeared green because of his hair, and the fact they were more turquoise around the outside. mickey shivered. 

ian gave him a look. "don't get on my ass about it, i already get that from fiona. please?" he pouted and did the dumb puppy dog eyes that made mickey want to puke. "just a sip or two. i'll only get tipsy, you don't have to haul my ass home."

"tipsy from a sip or two? damn gallagher." he flicked his eyebrows up, hesitant to move his arm out to hand over the bottle. ian groaned loudly, and okay yeah, mickey guess he probably would end up being his caretaker for the night, but that wasn't too bad. "fine, whatever. be fucking careful. or don't. i don't give a fuck."

ian raised an eyebrow and gave him a smug look, reaching over and snatching the bottle when mickey lifted it up to his own lips to sip the drink. "hey! what the fuck?!" the redhead grinned softly, bringing it t his own mouth to drink a fair bit more than a sip or two. "careful, don't want you blacking out." 

ian snorted and rolled his eyes, shoving the bottle back into mickeys hands and looking over the sand towards the sea. mickey followed his gaze, and couldn't help when his eyes started searching the crowd of desperate college kids just over, scouting for mandy. 

of course, she was fine. dancing with a guy. mickey couldn't see him properly - blonde hair, pale skin, and a navy green hoodie. 

his heart stopped for a second. it felt like hands were dragging their way up his throat, clutching and wrangling it from the inside. ian definitely noticed. "you okay?". mickey couldn't respond. he knew it couldn't be nicholas , because that was impossible for many reasons, but he couldn't see the dudes face and it was suffocating. "hey, calm down. that's killian.  he's cool." 

and he was. he was cool. the guy and mandy turned slightly, his face becoming visible. although mickey felt breath refill his lungs, he still felt extremely off put. "mickey?" ian asked, taking the bottle from the brunettes fingers and gently placing the other hand on his shoulder. 

mickey scowled, flinching away before he could really think about it. "im fuckin' fine, back off." he was absolutely not 'fuckin fine', he was the opposite. because mandy might have been safely dancing with someone that was absolutely not nicholas galletas . 

but it didn't matter. because that split second of panic made mickey snap back to reality. he was in west coast to escape the corpse of nicholas galletas on the shore with some hot redhead.

“i need to go.” he mumbled, not even casting an eye at a certain young man until he felt him wrap fingers around his wrist. attempting to pull away, mickey snarled when ian wouldn’t drop his wrist. 

“no, you don’t. calm the fuck down mickey, what’s wrong?” he asked, pulling the dark haired teenager towards himself. mickey tried not to be pulled around so easy, but he had no strength to fight. the only thing he felt was extreme fear and guilt. “is it killian? he’s nice, i promise. he wouldn’t put a finger on mandy unless she asked.” 

mickey cringed slightly, and finally shoved the redhead away, who only looked more deterred. guilt twisted and turned in his stomach even more. “it’s not. leave me alone.” 

“nope.” ian stated simply, not moving toward the dark haired man again, though. when mickey scowled and turned away, the redhead followed. trying to ignore him, mickey pushed his way through the crowd of people, dancing and singing happily, hoping to lose ian amongst them. 

he didn’t. “can i fucking help you?” 

“yes! could i have some explanation with a side of politeness? i know it’s a hard dish but for me.” ian smiled, with a twinge of bitterness. mickey rolled his eyes and started walking up the cliff path to his apartment, his skin slightly itchy when footsteps followed him. 

“okay, you need to back the fuck off, nut job!” he whipped around about half way up, to see ian glistening with sweat, his hair messy and a small smile on his face. it dropped when mickey spoke, completely. for a second, the shorter of the two wondered if he’d truly fucked up. 

“screw you.” ian muttered, shoving past him and continuing to walk up the hill. mickey wondered why he was still going up, but swallowed his curiosity and tried to seem as if he didn’t care. he did. he was kind of hoping ian would follow him all the way back to the apartment so they could watch a movie, but not talk. 

“what the fuck ever.” 

ian was at the top when mickey made it. he was standing in front of the path, his arms crossed over his chest. he didn’t look like he was going to budge, but mickey figured he could make him. sure, the redhead was kind muscular and tall, but he was pretty skinny and probably didn’t know how to pack a proper punch. 

“move it, douchebag.” he said tiredly, sighing loudly. he wished he hadn’t even agreed to go to the dumb party. he wished he’d never sat with ian or let mandy near him because he was so god damn fucking annoying. 

“not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“you’re insane.” again, the twinge of genuine hurt. but this time ian clearly fought it and stayed put, his face curled in determination and anger and a tiny bit of concern. “fucking move or i’ll make you. you think we’re friends who are gonna get all fuckin fruity and pour our hearts out to each other? move the fuck along.” 

ian bit his lip, and mickeys insides collapsed. no, he wasn’t going to talk about it. he would never. instead, he attempted to roughly shove past ian once more, only for his arm to be grabbed. without thinking, he swung the other one around and punched the redhead in the side of the face. 

it was kind of a milkovich instinct, so mickey instantly felt bad. but ian didn’t seem shocked or pissed off. he spat blood onto the dusty ground and looked up at the other as if he were saying ‘is that all? are you done?’.

wincing and clenching his eyes shut, mickey rubbed a hand over his face. “you want a fuckin beer or some shit?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you didn’t know, galletas means biscuit in spanish. idk why i chose that. just did? ( insta : qothamm )


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chapter of flashbacks and horrible truths on mickeys part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track four - petite biscuit - alone ( slowed )
> 
> tw : panic attacks ? also use of 'f*ggot' and the like. emotional abuse ?? sorrrryy

"mikhailo!" the young boy stumbled a little, trying to duck behind the sofa. he felt arms circle his waist and giggles loudly, squirming and kicking. "you're filthy! what have you been up to?"

he wriggled in his moms hold to face her, wide eyes of six year old wonder peering up at her. "i was wiv nicki!" she smiled at the mention of his best friend and gently tapped his nose.

"okay, okay. just, um..." her smile flattered a little, but mickey was too young to take notice of the fake one that replaced it, the one that didn't quite meet her eyes. "don't tell dad, okay? don't tell terry."

pouting slightly, he nodded and laughed again when she tickled his sides. "okay, bath time now."

/ age nine /

mickey loved his best friend. nick was the best person he knew, and they spent every waking hour together. many kids his age, growing up in southside chicago, didn't really have friends. especially those with abusive households or names that made other kids shiver, like the milkoviches all experienced at some point.

but nick was amazing. when mickey first met him, they hated each other, because they were both seen as the naughty kid or the class clown, and nick had gotten jealous that mickey was stealing his fame. for the parents of nick and mickey( or at least mickeys mom), the dispute was petty but incredibly adorable.

either way, they ended up teaming together to 'take down' their teacher ( he had laughed - they put pritt stick on his seat because nick had seen a cartoon where the teacher gets glued to his seat and it was 'sooo funny').

mama milkovich absolutely adored nick, too. he was friendly and happy, and he loved his family so much. his family being him, his little sister, his older brother and his two adoptive dads.

when terry found that out, because mama milkovich was always weird talking about nicks family but mickey loved them so he explained it all one day, his youngest son had never seen someone so mad.

terry didn't like nick that much anyway, something about his family owing something. but he tried to scare nick and mickey had cried so much and so loud and then made mandy run with nick to take him home and keep him safe.

nick wasn't allowed at the milkovichs after that. when terry went away, mama milkovich was careful and let nick stay, but she always made them move something heavy in front of mickeys bedroom door just in case.

when they were nine, mandy introduced her friend connor to the both of them. nick got along with him really well, but mickey hated him. he was invasive and irritating, not that mickey could use either of those words in a sentence.

connor became a fixture to their group of four. mickey continued hating him, and the feeling grew each and every day. "are you feeling ok?" nick asked one day at break. he was pretty observant for a kid, and mickey thought he was really really smart.

mickey had simply glared at his best friend, continuing to silently sulk. the other boy didn't move though, until connor came over. mickey instantly felt his blood boiling. "hey guys!"connor grinned, mostly looking at nick, who lightened up straight away. "wanna come to the sand pit? mandy and lilah are making this big awesome castle!"

nick immediately stood up, and only didn't walk because mickey hadn't moved. connor didn't seem at all deterred. "mickey?" nick pouted, turning around again, "please come. i'll give you my choco bar."

"i don't want your stupid choco bar." mickey glared harder at he floor, his arms tightening around his sides. he wasn't one to cry - not ever, terry made sure of that, and connor was still there so it'd be way too embarrassing. he wanted to scare connor, not make him laugh.

"mandys gonna be annoyed if you don't come." the hated suspect commented unhelpfully, finally making mickey stand up. nick grinned until his best friend shoved his other friend onto the ground. connor made a painful noise and then started sniffling.

that was the decent into mickeys extreme jealousy towards anyone who thought they knew his best friend or his sister, his protectiveness over his family, and his well known title of 'not afraid to beat the crap out of you'.

connor moved away anyway after that, and nick never mentioned him again.

// age 14 //

mama milkovich passed way, in a 'household acident', according to terry. that's when everything shifted.

// age 16 //

"mick?" nick asked as he pushed open the door to his best friends bedroom. seven years and not much had changed. sure, they'd grown up. mickey had tattoos and was much more frightening, nicks hair darkened from dirty blonde bleached a fair bit, and he got a lot paler. sure, the milkovich smoked and drank and partied and nick stuck to getting high under the bleachers on his own and actually showing up to class, but they were still best friends.

or, that's how nick saw it.

mickey had started to go on runs with terry and his brothers, and they talked shit about his best friend all the time. of course, they didn't know mickey and nick were still best friends, but they knew they were in the same grade and that was apparently enough.

the first time tony brought him up on a car trip, mickeys entire body froze. then terry started going off about the boys 'faggoty ass dingers'. he was stupid to think he could change any of their minds, but he still said that it wasn't nicks fault.

numerous times mickey had thought his dad was going to kill him, and that happened to be one of them. he didn't know why that pissed terry off so much - it would probably anger him on any day, but the man lunged over the seats and iggy had to shove him back down to make sure no one actually was murdered.

that's when mickey started distancing himself from nick. they didn't have much in common anyway, and mickey thought itd be much more safe.

itd been a week of not speaking to his best friend, and the dumbass thought it was a good idea to barge into the milkovich house. mickey knew terry was locked up for a few months, at least, but his brothers were still around, mandy was out and if the boys tried to jump him, mickey probably wouldn't do much to protect him. if anything.

"what the fuck?" mickey hissed, rushing to the door and slamming it closed, shoving his best friend away from it. nick narrowed his eyes at the thug a little, backing off a bit, holding his hands up in surrender. "are you fucking stupid? you realise if they saw you here they'd fucking off you and bury you under the el?"

"and you'd be here to protect me." nick grinned confidently, instantly catching the way mickey glanced at the floor. that wasn't a shock. nick knew he couldn't ever make his best friend stand up to his family, (minus mandy - she was always the sweetest of the milkoviches) and he'd stopped trying years ago. "i haven't seen you for a week. not even in school. whats the deal, did connor murphy drop by?"

mickey wanted to roll his eyes, but managed to refrain, and instead ignored nick completely and moved a few boxes full of random shit in front of the door so no one could barge in. behind him, nick frowned a bit. "mickey. what the hell?" he tried again, but the dark haired teenager moved away from him and grabbed a half empty box of marlboros, lighting one and putting it between his lips. he knew this would happen eventually, he knew he couldn't just cut nick out of his life all of a sudden, but that didn't mean he'd prepared for it. "mick!" the taller of the two stepped forward and put a hand on mickeys shoulder, making the other flinch away.

one well known thing about mickey was that he hated any and all physical contact, if it wasn't his mom, mandy or nick. his best friend was extremely hurt to clearly be shown he was losing that privilege. "what the hell is wrong with you? did your dad say something, because you know he's a pie-"

"don't act like you know shit about my dad." mickey spat, taking the cigarette away from his lips, blowing the smoke into the blondes face, who simply scowled, his green eyes glaring back.

"are you fucking kidding? so ive listened to endless hours of you whining about your fucking sob story just t-"

"my fucking what?" mickey pressed, his whole stature turning aggressive. nick backed down straight away, his eyes showing off total fear. weirdly, mickey relished in it. he loved it. he stepped forward, bringing the cigarette between his lips and speaking around it. "you wanna come into my house and act like you're my fuckin life support and then talk shit about my family?"

"that's not what i was doing mick, i need to talk to you about something, its really importa-"

"more important than my fuckin sob story, right?"

"would you just stop?" nick snapped, using his height as an advantage and looking down at mickey the way he knew the brunet hated. mickey inhaled, blowing the smoke out and making nick cringe again. he rubbed at his nose with a knuckle and waited. "i... i really like you."

mickey raised an eyebrow. he didn't feel like a smoke anymore. he dropped it to the ground and crushed it under foot without looking. "let me get through this without your wise ass saying anything, okay?" nick mumbled. "i knew i liked you when we met. in fact, i pretended to hate you when we first met because you were funny and you didn't like anyone so i thought that was the only way to get close to you."

mickey stopped moving, feeling slightly more on edge than he probably should. or maybe he was supposed to feel like that, he wasn't too sure. he swallowed, and tried to step back but his body went stiff with nerves and fear and worry when nick grabbed his forearm, his fingers digging in hard to the skin.

"i tried really really hard to be your friend and it worked. and now im in love with you, or though i probably was the whole time, right?" nick laughed, not even the awkward laugh most people did when confronting their crush, let alone their best friend of years, that they were in love with them. that's not what this laugh was. this laugh was bitter and genuine at the same time. mickey couldn't breathe. he was definitely scared right now; which he could never have ever imagined. he couldn't even admit to himself that he was scared of terry, even if he knew completely that he was. but he could admit to himself right then, he was scared. "im going to make this work, too, okay? i've broken almost all of your other boundries, why cant i break this one?" he leant closed, and mickey lifted his hands to push nick away by his chest, but the blonde caught his wrists in his hands. "hey, mick, calm down." he cooed.

mickey wriggled in his grasp, his whole body shaking with complete, bone deep fear. his breathing sped up and his eyes stung. "please let go." he whispered, fairly certain that was the only time he'd ever said please to anyone. it felt like an out of body experience anyway. the nick he thought he knew was completely fucking gone. "nick, let go."

"look at this, mickey milkovich begging, huh?" nick smiled, and yet again it wasn't what you'd expect. he'd lost the humour and the bitterness, now it was just a sweet smile, like one you'd give to someone if they held open a door for you or told you you dropped something. "that's cute. is this all it takes to scare the neighbourhood thug?"

mickey didn't know why he was scared. he didn't know why his body felt so weak. if this was anyone else, he could probably kick out and spit on them for even trying to start shit with him. even with terry, he'd get the man to back down or fight back to get free. but his body was hyperventilating ; his breathing was erratic and his knees felt weak, and every part of him was shaking. "nick this isn't you, please let go, p-please" he felt pathetic and terrified and ashamed. the door opened a bit, hitting against the boxes.

"mickey? what the hell?" mandy asked from the door which was open by a fraction. nick had frozen, but his grip on mickeys wrists had tightened even more, the marks that were already going to be there becoming darker. "mickey! i need you t-"

"don't come in." mickey wheezed, his eyes meeting nicks, who grinned genuinely happily, and mouthed 'good boy'. mickey shivered.

mandy, being a milkovich, scoffed audibly, and slammed her whole body into the door, the boxes tumbling over. "youre a dickhead an- nick?" she asked slowly, then her eyes caught her brothers. he was scared. petrified, and he couldn't breathe and she knew it. "wha- nick, i... you need to go." she said shakily, her body slowing to a stop. no one put their hands on mickey like that, not even her. she could see his pale skin going red around the death grips.

"we're just talking, right mickey? everything is good." he smiled again, and mickey wanted to vomit. his breathing caught up again when mandy went to move, thinking she was leaving. he collapsed, his legs finally giving in. nicks body jolted when he collapsed, but he didn't let go of mickeys arms. the brunet felt like he was being choked.

"let go of my brother, or i swear to god you wont have a dick anymore." mandy sneered, stepping forward, her eyes glued on mickey, who was writhing around to try and get free. nick kneed him in the chest to stop, and mandy was sure she heard her brother make a quiet strangled noise. she looked to her sides for anything heavy, but all mickeys actually dangerous shit was either on the windowsill behind them, or his bedside table next to nick. she exhaled. "iggy! grab a gun and get in here right now!"

within seconds, both iggy and joey burst in. iggy with a gun, and joey wielding a baseball bat. nick dropped mickey, who practically crawled as fast and far away from nick as he could. joey was absolutely pissed off, and lurched forward to swing the bat into the side of nicks leg, who fell to the floor, clutching it. iggy pointed the gun at him, and many rushed to her injured brother, who at first flinched away from her.

joey threw the bat behind him, to make sure nick couldn't get it, and grabbed the guy by his wrists, pulling him up. iggy made sure to keep the gun trained on him, and nick spat at him. "feel good to know your own blood is actually a faggot? tried to fuckin come onto me. i wanted to teach him a lesson." nick sneered, smirking a little. mickey curled in on himself, and mandy gently rested a hand on his ankle, noting the way he stiffened when she went to curl her fingers around it.

"i think we should take this outside." iggy said, a dark venom in his voice that made mickey feel a bit better. joey agreed, and they took nick, who was fighting against their grip and yelling obscene things at their youngest brother, out of their house.

that's when mickey broke down. he didn't cry, he couldn't and he wouldn't and he refused to. but he, for some reason, looked at mandy for a split second and had to clench his eyes shut to stop himself from crying. he was shaking, and he started dry heaving bowing his head down in shame.

even if he wasn't crying, mandy definitely was. she ran into the kitchen ( which in itself made mickey panic a little, thinking she'd left him ) to grab him a glass of water. after that, she brought him a blanket. and then a sandwich ( he didn't eat it, but that was probably for the best anyway ), and then they sat together until the door to his bedroom opened. sometime during this all, mandy had grabbed the bat, and immediately held it up. but it was just iggy, who had a little bit of blood on his face.

she nodded at him, and he nodded back, and then he was gone. "mickey?" she whispered when the room started to get darker, further into the evening, after hours of note moving. he didn't say anything. "you need to get into bed."

he couldn't. he couldn't move, or look anywhere except that one bit of wood. he couldn't tell mandy to back off as much as he wanted to, or throw up his guts into the toilet like he felt he should. he couldn't.

 

nicholas galletas had broken him and he was never going to forget that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> duh duh duuuuh the big reveal. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, cus I really liked writing it. If Mickey seemed ooc, I'm sorry? He's kind of supposed to. Because he trusted this guy for years and years and this guy just snapped and acted completely different. If he could have at the end, he would probably have reacted like he did canonically in the show - like he didn't care. But he couldn't. Also, he didn't cry because I felt like if he started sobbing with other people around that would be a little TOO ooc. ( Note : he was starting to have the panic attack when Nick first grabbed him, hence why he didn't fight like Mickey normally would. Sorry) -Ryan


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mickeys team of friends and newly made aquaintences team together to mercilessly bug him. but, that’s not new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track five : nobody cares - superorganism

sitting with ian was nice. instead of actually talking, which the redhead figured out mickey did not do, they went inside, mickey grabbed a beer and a water bottle from the fridge whilst ian spread blankets across the dingy sofa. 

they both drank their drinks in in silence, ian with his legs curled under his body and mickey with his spread wide. "sorry." the older man said after a while of silence, staring at the bottle in his hands. "for punching you or whatever. fuckin sorry."

"it's okay." ian said, and they fell into silence, more comfortable, for a few more minutes. "you should sign up for college. i know damien will be chill with it."

"damien told you i did an interview?" mickey asked, completely confused, and slightly pressing, like he didn't trust either of them. "that's my fuckin business."

"he's one of my best friends, relax. told me you mentioned me.  called my family a 'weird ass family'" ian snorted, holding up his hands for quotation marks. "im flattered, frankly."

"it's cause you are a weird ass family." mickey grumbled, trying to hide his smile as he lifted his drink up to take a sip. he was desperately trying to avoid the subject of college, but apparently ian was determined. 

"anyway, college. day goes, so it's not like wes wouldn't let you." ian smiled, stretching his limbs out and tossing his empty bottle to the floor. mickey presses his own against his forehead, closing his eyes and frowning, enjoying the coolness of it. 

"i don't even know where to fuckin start. i didn't graduate and i dunno what courses i wanna do." he sighed, opening his eyes again. ian was just watching him, with the tiniest smile on his face, apparently happy to sit back and just watch the other. 

the redheads smile faltered a little, and mickey frowned more. his face lifted when it returned. "well, what are you into? i take history and fiction writing, because in high school i loved history, and for as long as i can remember ive written stories in my free time."

mickey tried to fight down a smile again, but this time he lost. "nerd." ian grinned and made a happy noise, almost like a giggle. mickeys stomach exploded but he blamed it entirely on the alcohol. 

"come on mick," the redhead pushed, and mickey was thrown back by the nickname, the same fear and worry creeping up his throat. "what are you into?" it wasn't that mickey was scared. he wasn't, ian wasnt nick. ian would never be nick. plus, he could definitely take ian without any issues. he could take anyone now. 

"i don't know, man..." he sighed. "writing, as well, i guess. and... an' i draw sometimes." ( sometimes was an under statement — at least once a day ) he tried to pretend like he didn't really care, and thought he was selling it magnificently until ian sat up and got way too excited. 

"you do? can i see something?"

"no fuckin way." mickey sneered a little, kicking his foot out to catch ians knee, where it was hanging over the edge of the sofa slightly. "don't have anything anyway. left it all in chicago."

"bullshit." ian pushed, unravelling his legs from under him and turning so his back was against the arm, his legs propped up. "you tried to play it off cool, which means you do it a lot." he paused. "plus, mandy told me you draw a lot."

mickey scoffed. "of course she did. imma get damien to snitch on you to me about all your secrets if you ain't careful." ian rolled his eyes, kicking the dark haired man back. 

"don't have any." ian grinned again, his tongue between his teeth. mickey raises an eyebrow. 

"bull fucking shit. imma grill you now." he turned his body and copied ians position, back against the arm of the sofa. it was too small for them to fit properly though, so their legs slotted in between each other awkwardly. "girlfriend?"

mickey knew what he was doing, 100%. he hadn't forgotten that ian had outright told him he dated guys, but he had to double check. it might've only been a few nights but he kind of knew the guy now — it felt different. 

"im gay. you knew that." ian snorted, giving all the anxiety in mickeys stomach leeway to disappear. the darker haired man tried to node but choked slightly, trying not to let his face flush. "single anyway. the guys in west coast are boring. well, the ones that were born here anyway."

"are you not?" mickey asked, genuinely curious. He was slightly confused as to why he gave a fuck, but yet again blamed it on alcohol. ian shook his head, giving a half hearted smile. 

"no. the gallaghers are all from downtown brooklyn. stuff happened with my mom and now we're here, though." he shrugged, smiling again, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. "i love west coast. i really do. but i haven't been to brooklyn since we left and i miss it. i miss the constant sound of sirens and high school being about who has the scariest reputation, not the nicest surf board. it was busy and exciting."

mickey nodded. he understood. him and Mandy clawed to escape south side, but in reality, he missed it. he just hated the milkovich household. the distant gunshot echoes were soothing when you got used to them, and ian was right about the hierarchy. he didn't have that anymore, no one knew the milkovich name. then again, their name had been dragged through the mud by nick anyway. 

"if you could move back..." mickey started slowly, looking up at ian when he paused, who was staring back just as expressionless and just as on edge. "would you?"

"no." ian started simply, but after a long minute of silence. it didn't really seem like he thought about it, but mickey figured he had before. every kid dreamed of where they wanted to live when they grew up. "west coast is my home now. i love it too much to leave. some people make it worthwhile."

-

mickey had shown ian to mandys room, where he crashed out for the night, and then returned to his own. time seemed to stretch on as he thought more and more about college and brooklyn and ian, but he fell asleep rapidly when those thoughts started to disappear. 

when he woke up, it was bright and hot, but he was starting to get used to that. 

he could hear someone humming and walking around, gentle music playing and slight clattering in the kitchen. obviously it was ian ( or mandy, if she'd returned in the night from her wild adventures. he highly doubted she'd be so peppy if she was even awake, though ), somewhere in the kitchen. 

quickly pulling on a random shirt and shorts, mickey ventures into the kitchen where he was indeed met by the sight of a redhead tending to three plates, each with toast and scrambled egg. there was coffee in the pot, and mickey nodded a greeting, poring himself a cup. 

"i was just about to wake you. mandy came home last night and slept in with me. she's currently half asleep on the sofa begging me to make her food." mickey didn't ask where the stuff in their kitchen was coming from, because he knew he'd be scolded rather than answered, so he nodded and took his own plate, following ian into their empty, dingy lounge. 

"i text damien on my run this morning." the redhead spoke to mickey as he passed mandy her plate, not even looking at her when she eagerly wolfed it down as fast as she could. she didn't seem horribly hungover, just tired and hungry. very hungry. "he thinks college is a good idea. ive got mandy on board, too."  

mandy whined at that. "i said id take some shit to get a better job if i have time. shouldn't have spoke anyway, mickeys gonna yell now. please don't yell." she pouted at her big brother, briefly stopping her frantic eating to do so. 

he rolled his eyes, rather than yelling. "we've talked about it already, mands." he paused, looking over at ian and frowning. "no. im not doing it." 

mandy did actually complain again at that. "never mind, if you're not gonna tell im in. we can't work in cafes forever mickey, we need jobs! you can't get a job without some education!"

"we didn't graduate, mandy." 

"uh, that's where i can help." ian smiled slightly, though it seemed guilty and slightly sad. "i know the principle. if you can pass a simple test, at least prove you're smart enough, he can probably stick you in courses for at least a semester and see how you do."

mandy squealed, then groaned because she made her own head hurt, but side hugged ian from her place next to him on the sofa. mickey reacted the opposite, and grumbled, but on the inside he was a little bit excited. 

he would be able to do two things he liked, or one if he wanted, and not have to do any other bullshit things he actually hated. it wasn't a bad deal. plus, if he took up fiction writing, he'd get to spend even more time with ian. and damien too, because the guy was pretty cool. 

"ill think about it." he rolled his eyes.

-

mickey didn't even really get the chance to think about it. the second he got into work, damien bounded over from behind the counter ( surprisingly happy for a guy mickey assumed would be fairly hungover from the amount he drink the previous night ) and started talking out of his ass about how amazing their college was. 

"i don't know if im goin' yet man, chill out." mickey snorted, tying the dumb fucking apron around his waist. wes had said they weren't entirely necessary, but he advised wearing it for his first week, at least. it was only one that tied around his waist and came down to the middle of his thighs over his shorts, so it wasn't horrible.

damien held up a middle finger as he walked backwards across the shop again, smiling ever so bitterly as he went. "shut up, im and just excited man. plus you get to see me like, every day." he moved his hands to under his chin, smiling charmingly. 

laughing sarcastically, it was mickeys turn to flip the bird with one hand, the other busy taking stalls off tables and putting them on the floor. the counter of the bar bit was knocked on, and mickey turned around to say they were closed, but saw it was ian and and mandy . 

"hey guys." ian grinned, sitting down on one of the chairs ( which was very much attached to the building. ), mandy following suite. "how's work?" 

"hot." damien groaned, even though they'd only been in for about half an hour. mickey himself wasn't even sure why mandy wasn't at work and ian wasn't at home. "what can we get you?"

"two iced vanilla lattes, please. mandy here is mickeys sister, also new to the area. she just hasn't had the pleasure of meeting you or seeing the wonderful hangout spot that is apollos beachhut." 

damienI definitely noticed mickeys sister. he didn't blame the guy, she was beautiful. her black hair that normally washed her skin out was tied up in a bun, and her eyes looked really blue in contrast. that didn't mean mickey really liked the gawking she got, at all, but he felt better when damien tripped just like he had nearly done when he met mickey.  

"oh, hi mandy. im damien." the brunet cleared his throat, trying to play it off as cool. mandy laughed lightly and nodded, then looked around the interior of the cafe from her seat. ian gave damien an expecting look. "right! coffee! on it. mickey, do all the chairs then turn the sign and wipe down any surfaces that look even the tiniest bit dirty."

mickey wanted to note that damien wasn't his boss, but he was the newbie, and boss or not, every person in damiens position in any job would do the same, so he shut himself up and did his job whilst damien made drinks and mandy and ian gossiped. 

when he was done, he went inside the small counter bit in front of the bar they were sat at. "so why aren't you douchebags out?" he asked, bringing his hand up to rub a knuckle against the side of his nose. mandy rolled her eyes. 

"i don't start work for a couple hours and ian has nothing to do either. see, this could be college time." she noted, smiling wistfully at her brother, who rolled his eyes. 

"notice, im working."

"jenny and kat don't mind swapping shifts to make your timetable work for you." damien noted unhelpfully. "this girl called holli did it for me and they did it for holli. everyone helps everyone at beach hut."

“yes!” mandy cheered, laughing happily and slapping the bar top a few times. mickey glared at her, and then at ian, and then at damien. 

“i hate you all.” mickey turned when the back door behind the furthest counter opened, the one that lead to the shop. wes walked through, grinning. 

“morning kiddos. what’s got mickey so grumpy?” the man asked in his booming loud voice, way too cheery for an early morning. 

“he’s always grumpy. but, we’re still trying to get him up for college.” mandy grinned sweetly at her brother, who held up his middle finger. in the back, wes made an exaggerated gasp. 

“how dare you swear in my religious, holy building.”

at the same time mickey said “holy for what, milkshakes?” damien said “hey, remember that time you went to church just to-“

“okay, let’s spare our new companions the details!” wes exclaimed, glaring pointedly at the brunet who’d brought it up in the first place. damien snorted, carrying the drinks over and setting them down in front of ian and mandy, and then leant back against the counter. “sign up for college though, kid.”

mickey sighed, closing his eyes and groaning as loud as he could. he might as well give in sooner rather than later, because he knew they weren’t going to give up.


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashback. & the new friends decide to have some fun and relax for a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track six : electric ( ft khalid ) - alina baraz

// age 18 //

"mickey?" mandy asked, knocking on her brothers door gently. he looked away from the window and stubbed his cigarette out on the wall and then dropped it in his ashtray ( a mug ). "did you see him today?"

the brunet rolled his eyes, and stretched out his limbs, jumping off the windowsill to stand like a normal person. "fuckin course i did. if he's gonna stalk me, he shouldn't be so obvious, yknow?"

"i don't understand why he won't take the message. and why you won't let me tell joey and iggy and everyone." she pouted. mickey scoffed, rolling his eyes at her. 

it's not that he didn't trust them, he just didn't like the think that he could be the reason for nicks death, pretty much ever. he was secretly hoping, even after two years ( arguably one and a half, since he backed off after the original shebang ) that nick would come forward and say it was a prank and apologising for scaring and hurting mickey. except, he never did. 

"cause we don't need em goin' to prison. now get the fuck out, thank you kindly." he snapped, as unpleasant as ever. everyone around him had noticed how he'd become much more defensive and angry in the past two years, even to his sister. 

mandy held up her middle finger. "screw you, assface, i came to tell you connor murphy moves back into town." mickey swallowed slightly, nodding. he wasn't scared, but he wouldn't be totally surprised if they found murphys body the day after he moved back, with nicks dna all over it. 

"great, now move the fuck along." he shoved her out of the room, long before she could add anything else. 

// now //

"do you ever wonder who invented words? not words that came from latin, but like, squelch and other onomatopoeias. hell, maybe squelch came from latin. onomatopoeias definitely did." it was the evening, after a long day of sweltering work serving drinks to teens and fancy alcoholic drinks to older than teens. 

him and damien shifts ended at the same time, so the west coast expert shot a text to ian, telling him to bring mandy to the side of the store, and then they'd go to their 'hangout spot'. 

mickey had no idea what their hangout spot was. he did know they were getting high though, which was easily detectable by the balloons and whippet cans that damien had. when mandy and ian got there, they all walked up the hill the opposite side of the cove to the milkovich apartments, and turned off the main tourist path to turn into the woods. they spent about fifteen minutes walking and bantering until mickey saw a treehouse, and guessed that's where they were going. 

it looked amazing. at the bottom there were a couple ugly sofas, probably uglier than his and m andy's, with blankets spread across them. the treehouse part wasn't huge, it was just a room, but it was covered in drawings and maps, and had beanbags and blankets everywhere. 

"we've been coming here since we were like, seven. me, lip and kev built it, but it's an inner circle trade secret." ian winked at the siblings, grinning. "we mostly come here to get high or when we want space, and the younglings aren't allowed up here without one of us." 

mickey nodded, feeling slightly unsteady on his feet knowing that it was hand built. there were holes in the roof, but tarpaulins draped over the top. "lip only really comes here to fuck karen nowadays, but me and day are always here." 

it was kind of beautiful. not to mention some of the drawings and paintings on the walls were amazing, ( though mickey could easily see there was a number at the bottom, and 'd.l', so he knew they were damiens throughout the ages, and smiled slightly at the scribbled ones. he started getting good at about twelve, which was ridiculous to mickey. ) 

there were a lot of books, too, which mickey guesses were ians. the treehouse was truly something, and he felt surprisingly safe there, with people he's known for a few days in a rickety, homemade treehouse. "we gonna start these whippets or what?" mandy asked, although she was walking around and touching each of the drawings. 

"yeah, stop ogling at my doodles and sit down." damien sniggered, and mickey almost wanted to smack him. doodles? they were amazing in his eyes, but he still sat on the assortment of pillows against one of the walls, ian next to him. mandy and damien opted for beanbags, shifting so they were opposite. 

the dispenser and cans and balloons got passed around, each of them becoming slow and stilettos with their movements. mickeys brain was buzzing, and ian looked really pretty giggling when mandy slipped on her beanbag a bit. 

that's how they got to the word conversation. prompted by ian, of course. "i'm gonna go find wood to start a campfire. guessin we're sleeping here tonight?" damien hummed when his buzz from his previous balloon was wearing off. mandy said she'd join him, and they all agreed to stay over. 

mickey took another balloon and set it up with the dispenser when he heard damien and mandy trapping through the woods below, taking it off and putting it to his mouth when it was filled. 

he inhaled and exhaled, making sure to slowly breathe in the nitrous oxide, and turned to look at ian, who was still drowsy, but not as bad as before. he placed the items on the floor in front of him, and kept watching the redhead, who was watching him back. 

"who do you think made the word crush? cause that's what it feels like, ain't it? like you're being crushed." ian talked slowly, a tiny little smile on his lips. mickey wanted to kiss him so bad. 

"slang, probably, my irish compadre.” ian glared at him and laughed softly, and mickey felt his heart melting. he leant back into the soft pillows, and just stared at the redhead, who stared back, smiling. 

mickey got scared sometimes. not often. and he’d only experienced it as a result from people, specifically two ; terry and nick. but now he felt his dread and fear sneaking up his stomach, and it was different. so different, that it felt like he was choking. 

nerves. 

-

damien and mandy got back not too long after that. mickey pretty much zoned out until the buzz wore off, and decided enough was enough. ian also didn’t do anymore, and neither did the other two when they returned. for a while all four of them say and talked about nothing in particular. places that sold furniture, damien and ian complaining about coursework that prompted them ranting to mickey about college. it was nice, and safe and mickey felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. 

he noticed mandy looked it too, which helped his mood even more. she was also safe, they were okay. always in the back of his mind were the ‘what ifs’, but they’d successfully fled chicago. they were okay. everything was okay. no one could hurt them anymore, at least no one from chicago. 

either way, mickey found himself grinning to himself as his friends slept peacefully, curled up and comfortable after making makeshift beds with blankets and stuff. well, apparently ian wasn’tactually fully asleep either. “you okay?” the redhead mumbled sleepily, catching mickeys attention. “what’s with the dumb smile?”

mickey rubbed his hand over his face to wash it away. “fuck off and go to sleep, gallagher.” 

ian chuckled and lay his head down, shifting so he was still facing mickey. “you’re worry and care over mandy is adorable. even if you won’t admit to it.” 

mickey raised his eyebrows. “dunno what the fuck you’re on about, but it ain’t about me. don’t give a shit about that skank.” he glanced over as he said it, softening in a quiet, peaceful room. safe, happy, secure. 

ian smiled again. “okay, mickey.” he stayed propped up on one arm for a half minute, both of them watching each other like they had when they were high on nitrous. “goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, im going a bit ‘how to get away with murder’ style, by adding bits of the past and present, now. things are getting to the peak of the past story. i hope you enjoyed!! x


End file.
